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Rest baby

After another long day of fighting, Kai’s body finally gave in. He died in my arms just before 11pm last night.
It was not as peaceful as I had hoped, he was just so strong, but as painful as it was to watch I believe he felt no pain. His spirit had already moved on.
My mom and Ashley were there with us to the end as well as his amazing nurse Jess. They worked quickly and silently to keep him as comfortable as they could and I was able to just be with him. Hold him. Rub his checks, feel his hair and hold his hand.
There is a whole in me now that will never be filled, but I am thankful he is at peace and no longer has to fight in this world.
It was time.
I love you baby boy. Rest easy now.
Laugh, run, play…
.

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403 thoughts on “Rest baby

  1. I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet precious boy. I am glad his pain and suffering are over and you could be with him when he went. He will always be a part of you as you will carry him in your heart. May God bring you peace and comfort during this very difficult time and in the days ahead.

  2. I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. Words cannot express such sorrow properly, and I hope it gives you a small amount of comfort to know that a stranger in NY was touched by Kai’s life, and will never forget him.

  3. I am so deeply sorry Kerri. My heart is broken and I can barely find the words that seem appropriate. I am so sorry that you have to experience this. I will continue to pray for you and love Kai.

  4. I am sooo soo sorry. There are no words I can sayt to comfort you but please know i am praying for you and your family. I am sorry Kai is no longer physicaly with you but i know in my heart his spirit and love will live on in you and in all those his precious life has touched. I never met him but his gorgeous face and inspiring life has changed my soul and I will always remember him.

  5. Sending love and strength…..he is pain free now and in the arms of Christ. There is a promised reunion Kerri and Mark. It will be better than anything you ccould ever imagine. Kai will be walking and talking and waiting for you. We all love your family and are here for you. Your family and Kai will not be forgotten.

  6. My heart breaks for you. I have followed your story and even tho I don’t know you or your family at all I grieve with you.
    Sleep sweet baby, sleep.
    God bless you all.

  7. As I read of Kais passing I sit hear sobbing…….I have never met you or your family but yet feel so close to you through your inspiring writings…..I can’t imagine the hole that you feel now will ever be filled but pray for you and your family that it will feel less deep!!! I am truely sooooo very very sorry that you had to experience all that you have but I am also thankful that you were truely blessed to have been chosen to be Kais mom. His smile speaks millions!!!!!! May he live on in all the hearts he has touched. Kai Rest in peace, healthy and happy watching over a family that will never forget you!!!

  8. There are no words to express how unfair this is. Your precious Kai was so strong and brave. He is in a better place now. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Rest in peace, little one.

  9. Kerri may you feel the love that everyone is sending to you. May the pain that you feel be lessened knowing that you are loved by all of us. May you smile knowing that Kai is free & running & playing & talking in a beautiful place. Love to you Kerri & hugs. ❤

  10. I will never forget Kai & you. You make me want to be a better person & mother. I have two children myself. I believe we are here to learn & love and that there is a better place after this. I believe Kai is in that better place right now. You will always be Kai’s Mother & a good one you are! I’m blessed to have been following you & Kai through your posts you have made all of us never ever forget him. I wish you quiet days & happy moments ahead. Rest in peace Kai. Sweet little boy:)

  11. Dear Kerri, Marc and family,
    May you cherish every memory of Kai and always hold it dear to your hearts. May God Bless you all and bring you comfort. Thank you for sharing such intimate moments during these past few weeks. I have thought about and prayed for you all. Peace Tracy

  12. Kerri – I am so sorry for your loss, I know Kai is an angle watchng over you now. If there is anything I can do please let me know – we have been praying for you guys so much. Diane

    Diane

    ________________________________

  13. Oh Kerri, I am so sorry. My heart hurts for you. I’ve read every post you’ve written and have follow Kai’s journey with many others. I silently fought with you, prayed for you, talked of you and held my own sons a little longer because of you and Kai. I am relieved that he is no longer in pain. But I can’t help feel a devastating loss for you. I can’t even begin to imagine what you will endure over the next days, months, years. But know that you were the best mom you could be to your precious warrior. May love and peace be with you now and always. xoxo

  14. I will light a candle for your boy that was made by a little girl for my son long after he died. It is a beautiful candle. May he sit by God’s side now, or on his lap, whichever he prefers. Thank you for sharing. So sorry you lost your baby

  15. May he rest in peace little Kai. This is so painful…May God give you strength Kerri to go on. Just know that he is in a great place with no pain.

  16. I’ve been following your blog for the past few weeks and I want you to know that I am truly sorry for your loss. Words can’t express how you must be feeling and as I read this last entry, tears streamed down my cheeks. He is in Heaven with angels. Rest in peace sweet baby boy. I will be thinking about you.

  17. I am so sorry to hear of his passing but know he is in a far better place!! Praying for peace and comfort during this difficult time! May God give you strength and guidance to get through. I will miss seeing his precious face in pictures. I always look forward to his pictures and your posts. Praying for God to wrap his loving arms around Kai’s family!!

  18. I am so incredibly sorry to read of Kai’s passing. I have never met you but have followed your story closely. As tears stream down my face as I type this, please know all of you are in my thoughts and prayers. You were chosen to be Kai’s mom for a reason. And while you may not know why, there was a reason. And you will forever have an angel looking down on you and protecting you. Rest in peace Kai. May that beautiful smile continue to shine.

  19. I learned earlier of another one of the boys I followed passed lastnight and now finding out that your sweet Kai did aswell! This is so heartbreaking!!! I am happy however he will hurt no longer! I will be praying for your family!

  20. Words can’t express my deepest sympathy. I am so sorry Kerri. Xo. May You find peace that Kai no longer has to fight nevermore.

  21. I wish there were some magic words to say to help ease the pain and help fill the hole that it now in you and your family’s life, I wish that I had some kind of comforting poem or wisdom. I am so deeply and truly sorry for you and your families loss and I sit hit never have met you or your precious angle and I grieve too. I know though that he is in heaven and that it is surely smiling down upon you for always being there and for allowing him to go on his own terms. He is no longer in pain and I hope that is able to give some comfort. God Bless You all and once again I am truly sorry for your loss.

  22. So so very sorry. Sending you hugs, love, energy and peace. Know that your openness and eloquence and patience is such an inspiration and that you loved Kai as he deserved to be loved–deeply and unconditionally. We all surround you!

  23. Thank you for sharing your precious child with a village. You have given and Kai recieved a lifetime of mothering from you, compressed into too short a time. I am so sorry for your devastating loss.

  24. I am so deeply, terribly, sorry for the loss of Kai. I’ve known you only through degrees of social media circles and friends of friends, but since reading your blog, I’ve kept you and Kai and your family in my thoughts daily. I hope that writing this blog has given you some small measure of peace and comfort, as it has brought all of us to “know” and love Kai and build a village of support around him. Sending love to you all as you grieve and say goodbye.

  25. I do not know you but have been thinking of your beautiful boy since I first read your story. Words cannot express the sadness I feel for you and your family but I know he is finally at peace.

  26. Kerri, there is nothing I can say that will help fill the hole left by your beautiful, amazingly strong, and loving boy, Kai. He is truly an inspiration. Around the time Kai passed last night, I was praying very hard for him and your family. His pain has finally ceased and I believe he’s somewhere living the life he deserved here. And though he isn’t with you physically, he will always be there with you spiritually. My heart is with you and your family. May God give you strength and peace as He’s now bestowed upon your little angel.

  27. My prayers will continue for you and Mark .for comfort and complete peace knowing Kei is at rest . Your little Kei has touched so many lives in his short time here. Love, Beverly

  28. I will light a candle that was made for my son by a little girl long after he died. It is a beautiful candle. So sorry you lost your baby. May he sit by God’s side or on his lap, whichever he prefers

  29. Sending you peace and strength to grieve however you wish. Thank you for sharing your story. I think we all have some much needed perspective thanks to you and Kai. Even though we’ve never met, I wish I could take a piece of your pain away. But, somehow I know it wouldn’t help. A mother’s love is infinite and I imagine the loss is too. Hugs.

  30. I am so, so sorry for your loss. Kai’s fight and your stories and strength have been an inspiration to follow. He will live on in the hearts and minds of so many who have been touched by your stories — even with people you’ve never met, like myself. My deepest condolences — may Kai rest in peace.

  31. Kerri, I am so sorry For your loss. I have said so many prayers for the Lord’s will during this time.. He is in Jesus’ arms and no longer has to fight. He is peaceful and happy. Believe in the Lord with all your heart, for you and your precious baby boy will meet again ❤

  32. RIP little guy. Although I never got to meet you, you were always in my thoughts, my heart and my prayers. you are such a special little angel. To Kais mom, you are an amazing mom. May god watch over you and help you through this very difficult time. Kai is now at peace and no longer suffering and he will always be your little angel looking down on you.

  33. So Sorry for Your Loss ..Words can not even Say !! Prayers Being Sent and I have been Thinking and Praying for You through this Tough Journey !! May You Find the Strength to Get Through This tough Time From Family and Friends !!

  34. Kerri, I heard about your family’s story through a mutual friend. My baby boy is also named Kai, and since hearing your story I’ve been thinking about your Kai and your family every time I say my son’s name. One of the reasons we love the name “Kai” is because of its many meanings: “keeper of the keys”, “love”, “beautiful”, “safe harbor”, “strong, unbreakable”, and many, many more. It is very clear, even to strangers, that your Kai is all of these things. Strength, grace, and love for your son shine so brightly from these pages despite this terrible loss – your Kai will be remembered by so many.

  35. Kerri, you are so brave and loving – an inspiration to so many people. I hope that the support of everyone around you can help ease the pain of your loss. I hope that you can come to know Kai’s spirit in a new way – free of pain and suffering. Big hugs to you and your family as you move through this very difficult transition.

  36. Kerri,
    There are no words to reflect the feelings of pain and loss. You are an amazing person and mother for supporting Kai’s destiny. I’m so very sorry for your loss. I’ve been following Kai’s story. The strength you have to share his story has touched so many pepole. The glow in his eyes will shine on. May God continue to lead you.

  37. Kerri your grace and strength are a testament to your love for your precious sweet boy. I’m so thankful that I was able to know him if only a little bit. I am a better person for being a part of your journey. I’m sending lots of love to you and your family.

  38. Kerri I found your page through Kristin Turner. I truly understand your heart. My infant son died in my arms 25 years ago. It is a unique experience that not many share. If you ever want to talk, please email me. Praying for you…

  39. Kerri, through your writing I feel like I know you and Kai, even though we’ve never met. My heart hurts for you, so very much. I’m wishing you peace and sending you love as you move through these next days, weeks and months of learning to live with him in your memory instead of by your side. Holding you in prayer.

  40. Kerri, Mark and all of the family,
    There are no words I can say that will ease your grief. But I will try. The loss you have suffered as parents no one else could truly understand. Knowing Kai the little I did, one would just feel there was something so special about him. Kerri, sharing the blog has been a most beautiful thing and showed us what a brave mother you have been and really how lucky Kai was to have you fighting for and loving him for his short, but profound journey here on earth. I know I am not alone in thanking you for sharing your thoughts and feelings as you and Kai fought a very brave fight. May you all find some peace and comfort knowing that precious Kai is finally at peace.
    Love, Susan R

  41. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet Kai. Though i never met you or Kai, I have followed his battle for quite some time and am grateful to have known him through your words. May he rest now and be at peace. My heart goes out to you and your family and all those whose lives Kai touched.

  42. I am so very sorry to hear that our world lost such a beautiful angel last night. Kerri, though we never met our paths have crossed, and my heart is crying for you. Every prayer, scrap of strength and thought of peace I can send to you is on the way. I will never be the same because of your beautiful baby and the way you have made me look at the world of motherhood. I pray my lost baby angel is finding her way to Kai in heaven, and they are running playing and are the most beautiful shining stars in the sky.

  43. Sending angels of comfort and healing to you and your families. No words can ever ease the pain but, hope there is so comfort knowing how many of us loved him from a distance. Fly high sweet baby boy!

  44. So sorry to hear. Kai was an adorable sweet little boy and my thoughts and prayers are with you and your family. I can not imagine what you are going through, but know that you have support and love and thoughts coming your way. xoxo ~Jaime

  45. Dearest, mama of Kai-
    My deepest thoughts, sympathy and prayers are with you. know he departed to heaven to join the rest of the angels and will be waiting for you till the time finishes on earth, we all will join him when our time is finished here and he will be walking towards you with open arms and the happiest smile to hug you and hold your hand, once again. He is finally at peace and died with dignity. You did everything so generously, wholeheartedly and so much more, consider yourself so lucky for having the opportunity of being the mother of such a strong and beautiful baby boy. Kindest hugs and most respect to you and your family, incredibly brave and strong mama.
    with deepest condolences,
    Diar Mayi

  46. Although we have never met, I have been following your blog and praying for you. You, your family, and sweet Kai remain in my prayers. May you all be shrouded in peace and comfort during such a time of tremendous sorrow.

  47. My heart is with you Kerri and the rest of Kai’s family today. RIP, sweet baby Kai. Thank you ever so much for sharing your journey. xoxoxx and love

  48. Although we have never met, you and your son have forever changed me as a person and a parent. Your narratives have made me a better mom. I will try very hard to not take for granted what I have and how precious life is. Kai’s short life has had such purpose and impact on so many. Thank you for having the courage to share such a personal and painful exprience. I am so very sorry that the journey that Kai, you, and your family have been on has been so unfair. I hope that Kai has found his peace and that you too shall feel peace one day. I admire you tremendously and believe that Kai couldn’t have had a better mom. I will never forget your amazing son!

  49. Thinking of you all. I’m so sorry – words can’t even express my heartache for you. I truly believe all souls go to heaven but they stand by us daily. Kai’s spirit is with you. In you. He’s shared so much to so many and he probably didn’t know half of them. I only know of Kai from my neighbor Colette. His journey has helped me hug tighter – embrace all moments. For that I thank Kai. I hope you can rest because I’m sure that’s what he’d want to give you. Thinking of you all —

  50. I am glad Kai is at rest, and hope that you will get the different kind of rest that you and your family need.

    Take gentle care, Alice Duddy

  51. I am so so very sorry for the loss of your precious Angel. No parents should ever, ever lose a child. My heart is totally broken for you. I do however want to thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. Youare an amazing, brave courageous Woman. Your son was very proud and Lucky to call you HIS. I am so thankful that he is at peace now..now more pain..He can now go and enjoy what every child DESERVES to do….Just be a child..go and play and laugh and sing…Spread those beautiful Angel Wings Sweetheart and fly….FLY HIGH….May you Rest In Peace….xoxo

  52. Dearest Kerri, I’m so deeply heartbroken and devastated to hear this. While I can imagine that there is peace in sweet baby Kai’s releif of pain and suffering, I know there is no pain like this for you. Missing him…there will always be a part of you that’s detached, elsewhere, and there will be so many ways to maintain connection, but none can replace his presence. I will always be here for you, with you, at your side from afar. Always. I will never stop fighting to honor Kai. Sending all of my love. — Audra (Max’s Momma)

  53. I am sitting here with tears. I’m so sorry that Kai’s sweet life has been so short. He has done amazing things though, to you and the rest of your family, and to everyone who knows, and knows about, him. I will continue to pray for your strength and peace and healing. Sleep tight, sweet boy ❤

  54. greatest sympathy…..sadness tearing at my heart….but knowing Kai has found freedom and peace. Wishing you peace also and time for the soothing of your pain.

  55. Beautiful baby boy… he’s the only one who fought cancer harder than you did. “Sorry” will never be enough, but I promise you he will never be far from my mind, for the rest of my life, and I will always use his memory as a reminder to love my girls hard. ❤

  56. I am so sorry for your loss Keri and Mark. Your dedication & strength were amazing and inspiring to all of us! May God fill the hole in your heart with love, peace, sweet memories and comfort during this time and always. Rest in peace Kai. Your were a beautiful, strong little boy. May you now rest in peace, watch over your mom and dad and help heal their sadness.

  57. Kerri, we are sending you so much love and hugs right now. Our hearts are so very heavy right now but we know that Kai is finally out of pain. I hate that you are going through this and wish there was something I could do or say to make it easier. We will miss your sweet, amazing boy. So much love to you and your family.

  58. I am so sorry Kerri. Kai has touched so many people’s lives in his short time here on earth. I will forever hold him in my heart. Love to you all!

  59. I am so sorry for your loss. He left your arms for the arms of Jesus. He is whole and happy. I will pray for you and your family

  60. Kerri and Mark, our hearts are breaking for you right now. We are in the “happiest place on earth” and sitting here with tears running down our cheeks. Our thoughts haves been consumed with you since coming here and I check my email multiple times a day waiting for your posts. You’ve been inspiring and such a strong, amazing mother. Please know that you will forget be wrapped in Kai’s light. We are wrapping our hearts and arms around you right now. So very sorry for your loss.

  61. Words can not express the grief for what you have been through. You have shown us the true meaning of love and grace.
    Wishing you some peace as your sweet, baby boy finally rests.
    I am so very, very sorry.

  62. What a bitter sweet battle young Kai fought. His strength came from you Kerri. His life was not in vain. He will live on through you and through all that you have shared with each of us. We have all learned so much about the unconditional love of a mother and and the strength and courage of one small boy.
    God bless you and your family.

  63. Sending you and your family all the love I have. May you all find the strength you need as your journey continues. Be at peace, little one. This village has been blessed by your presence and your spirit will live on in the hearts of all those you touched.

  64. Sadness overwhelms me with this news, but you are right…It was probably time…His little body fought so hard, for so long…We will continue to pray for you to get through the next few days and then the days thereafter….Loving you even harder from here…
    Fly high, little Kai…All the BT Angels await you and they will show you around!!!
    Alice, Emily, Lexie and Max

  65. I have been following your posts for a while now, and I’m so very sorry for your loss. He was strong and such an amazing little boy, you and your family are in our thoughts and prayers. God bless you all.

  66. My heart goes out to your family. I became a fan of Kai through fb. He was such a strong fighter. Rest in peace sweet child. My heart aches for your family as I sit here and cry.

  67. My heart goes out to you and your family. Kai was such a sweet boy and hope you find peace knowing he is in God’s hands now. Our prayers are with you.

  68. I’m so extremely sorry….I’m lost for words! I wish there were something that could be said or done to take your pain away. I’ve been dreading this day…..and although he is at peace now, I know letting go was the hardest thing you ever had to do.

    I will NEVER EVER forget Kai…..again I’m so sorry!

    I wish you and your family nothing but the best, strength, love, togetherness and the power to get through this. You are an AMAZING MOTHER!

  69. I am so very sorry for your loss. No child should ever have to go through what Kai went through, and no parent should ever lose a child. You have my prayers, my thoughts and my heart.

  70. Rest in Peace perfect boy. Kerri and Mark, I pray you find some comfort in knowing that you will forever have your own Angel watching you always, making ready a special place for you when you meet again. May your dreams be filled with wonderful images of Kai as he is now and forever- perfect, healthy, laughing, running, smiling, playing, and waiting for you with open arms. God bless you.

  71. My heart is broken to read this. Like many here I’ve never met you but we share an extended circle of momma friends. Thank you for sharing Kai with us, your words have forever changed my relationship with my own children. I hold them a little tighter, a little longer. He is at peace now, and hopefully there will be some peace for you as well. We will never forget him, and I look forward to helping your village do something special to honor his memory.

  72. Kerri, Mark, and family,
    I am so deeply, deeply sorry for your loss. I hope the love and support of your village can bring you some comfort. Kai has moved so many people and good will be done in his name.

  73. Dear Kerri (always Kai’s mommy) and family, I am so sorry for your loss. Your fierce love and your wonderful little boy have inspired many people. Thank you for sharing your journey. I am so sorry. Kai: Goodbye, little guy. You did great. For such a small kid, you’ve made a really big mark–no one will forget you, dude. My son saw your Halloween picture from last year and he thinks you were “even a better turtle than in Super Mario!” We send our deepest condolences, and respect, and tears, and love.

  74. May Kai live in a pain free heaven happily watching over all who loved him. Thoughts and special prayers for you and your family.

  75. Kerri, there are no words we can say that can ease this pain for you. My heart is broken for you…can’t stop crying as I sit here at work. Sending love and heartfelt condolences to you and your family.

  76. KAI you have left an imprint in my heart for many moons…I only knew of your journey fo two days and you struck my heart… You were an incredible fighter…I will continue to help kick cancer’s butt for you by raising awareness…No more pain, cancer free….Fly high little man. KERRI… I read your entire blog yesterday from beginning til Monday’s post…In a way I knew in a few days I would be getting the notification in my email that Kai had left his earthly body but as I read it just minutes ago My heart sank and knees got weak. That is the impact Kai has on me. I will never get used to the fact that babies like Kai are dying of cancer that they don’t get even the chance to live and be kids. I will continue to fight and Kai and every single child and their families impacted by cancer will inspire me everyday. I know it will be difficult to heal…but we will lift you up. I also want to say from one mother to another I admire you and your strength and the decisions you made for Kai. You will be in my thoughts and prayers alwAys.

  77. We will never forget you Kai… You will be forever in our hearts!
    I will keep praying for the cure of the cancer and believe us , God it will give us !
    Rest in peace big boy !

  78. I will make this short. First we are thinking about you. Secondly, you and Kai are an inspiration to all. Your love and strength are just without bounds. This world is a much better place for having you both in it.

  79. I’m so very sorry for your loss, I ask God to comfort you in this time of sorrow. I can tell you that he is with god and his son Jesus Christ and he is in very good hands. I will be praying for you and your family, God Bless you all!

  80. Dearest Kerri and Mark,

    The loss of your precious Kai hurts my heart. I pray that you will be able to comfort each other and be able to recall the joy that this beautiful, perfect and strong boy brought to your lives. Know in your hearts that Kai is in perfect health now. As he makes his transition to Heaven to be with God and His Angels, there are many there to help him along his way. Those of your families who have passed will receive your Angel’s presence with smiles and open arms of welcome. As these days pass, at night, when you look to the skies, be aware that not all of those points of light that you see are stars… some of them are the windows of Heaven and Kai will be looking over you through one of them. I pray that God sends his Angels of Comfort to you both to protect you with their wings which are feathery soft but strong as steel.

  81. My heart is broken for you – may you find peace in knowing your new angel will be eternally happy, safe and most importantly, Healthy! May Kai’s light forever shine down on you – it’s no wonder he was such a fighter – he had amazing parents giving him his strength! I have never met you or your family, but I felt such sadness reading that Kai earned his wings – you are all a true inspiration. God Bless you.

  82. Dear Kerri,

    I discovered your blog just yesterday through my friend, Maria. I know there’s nothing to say that will even begin to ease the weight of your struggle and loss, but you are all in our prayers. I have been crying for Kai since reading about your hospital stay.

    You are an incredible mother and possess a strength that only someone who’s walked in your shoes can begin to understand. To be by your child’s side, holding him for every last moment… as lucky as you are to have known Kai, he is just as fortunate to have you as his mother. Rest in peace, sweet Kai. You are all in our thoughts and prayers and we are so sorry for your loss.

  83. Kerri,
    While I only know of you through a friend, I have been following your story for a while now. I am so sorry for your loss, and hope you find peace. As a father of a young one, I can only imagine the pain you are going through. Please know that your love and strength have been truly inspirational, and I sincerely believe Kai’s story has made me appreciate life more, and hopefully will help me become a better father and human being. While I know that’s not necessarily a comfort now, I want you to know that you truly are an inspiration. God bless you, Kai, and your family. I will continue to pray for you as I have every day since hearing of your story. Once again, I’m so incredibly sorry for your loss, and what you and Kai have been through.

  84. I am truly saddened to hear the news of Kai’s passing, may there one day be a cure for cancer. I have never met you or Kai, but I admire your strength and courage as a mother. I will share Kai’s story so that people will be more aware of his condition as well as what an amazing little boy he was. Sending you love and warm wishes at this very sad and difficult time.

  85. Dear Kerri, my heart breaks for you today and it soars for Kai as he is out of pain. You will be in my thoughts and prayers over the next few days as you say your farewell. Lots of love for you and your beautiful boy.

  86. So sorry to hear about Kai, thankful he is no longer suffering and that you got to spend this time with him. My thoughts and prayers are with you always and Kai’s memory will be alive in everyone’s hearts that he has touched. Your strength and courage give so many people hope and I hope you can find some comfort during this difficult time. Nothing but love being sent your way ❤

  87. All I can think of is how, despite such deep hurt and loss, Kai is at rest, at peace, breathing easier now. And, you should too, Kerri. It’s been a long road for you, in just a few short years, and you, too, need to rest, be at peace with all you’ve done, all whom you’ve inspired, and breathe easier. Your hole will undoubtedly never be filled, but know that Kai’s spirit is now in SO many people who have followed your story.

  88. Rest well sweet boy. Now you can watch over your mama just as she has watched over you. My thoughts and prayers are with you all, Kerri. Lots of love and healing thoughts.

  89. I’ll def be praying for u and your family in this hard time, I can’t imagine the pain you’re going through, the only plus from all of it is he is no longer in pain…..

  90. My heart is heavy, tears flow, yet I know Jesus has welcomed him with open arms and a big smile. I’m so sorry for your loss. I loved him too.

  91. My dear sweet Kai my heart is breaking for your mommy and family who must know carry on without their most perfect beautiful baby boy. Tears are running down my face and my heart is breaking for what a strong little fighter you are. God must have a special plan for you in heaven to call such a perfect boy home. May you fly with the angels now and be free from pain. Take good care of your mommy she is going to need your help. Kerry you are an amazing, inspiring strong mom and Kai will always live in your heart and you will always be his mommy.May God carry you through the next days and years and give you strength and peace. Kai will never be forgotten and he has touched so many jhearts through your blog. May God Bess you and keep Kai at his side. You did an amazing job as Kai’s mommy he was so lucky to have you. As yoBu slowly heal you should keep writing. Your writing is amazing and I hope it gives you some peace.

  92. Kerri, there are no words…just know that you are in my thoughts. Kai’s fight has helped me realize the fragility of life the hard way. I hope that you too can find peace. You are not alone!!! Surround yourself with family and friends who love you in this difficult time. Much love!

  93. I am SO sorry to hear about Kai. May God wrap His arms around you both and comfort you during this difficult time. Tight hugs to you both!

  94. I am so sorry and very saddened for your loss of your beautiful baby Kai. He now has his wings and will forever watch over you and your family. It is his turn to take care of you now. Wishing you comfort, healing, love and peace.

  95. God bless your sweet little boy and your entire family. You are in my thoughts and prayers and I hope god rests his hands upon your family and gives you the strength and courage you will need in this most difficult and unimaginable time.

  96. There are no words in the human language that will ease the emptiness or pain that you must be feeling right now. I have never met you but I have been following your blog and praying daily for Kai and your family. My heart hurts deeply for, and I grief with, you and your family.
    I pray that you will take comfort from knowing that so many people, many of whom you will never know here on earth, were so touched by Kai’s life no matter how brief it may have been and by you and your strength as a mother. Thank you for sharing your story but most of all thank you for sharing your beautiful son with us. May God Bless you and your family.

  97. Kerri and family So sorry for your loss. I have followed all your blogs and admire your strength and courage. Kai is very special and he will always be in my thoughts. You both have taught me how precious life is and to appreciate each and everyone moment I spend with my children. I have a daughter three months older than Kai so his story really touched me. You are in my prayers… Continue being strong and I hope you find comfort in knowing that Kai is watching over you.

  98. Rest peacefully, sweet Kai. Your life touched so many of us, and you will not ever be forgotten. Kerri and family, wishing you peace and comfort. An amazing village surrounds you, holds space for you, and lifts you up. You, too, will not ever be forgotten. Your story will never fade, and neither will the memories of Kai. Thank you for sharing his life with all of us.

  99. Please keep blogging, it will help with your grieving and healing. All of us are here to support and care for you through the next leg of your journey. What a blessed boy he was to have a woman like you for his mom

  100. I am so sorry for your loss! I’m heartbroken for you, your family and all who had the joy of knowing your sweet boy. Although it is comforting to know he is no longer hurting and is running and playing with the other dear angels, I wish you all the best as you mourn and heal from your loss. Thank you for sharing your journey with us all. I have learned so much from you and Kai – not just about his medical dx but how to embrace and cherish all moments in life. Hugs!

  101. I have been following your blog. You don’t know me. I live I CT and my friend Kristen told me about your journey. There are no words right now that can ease your ache, and for that I am sorry. My heart hurts for you and your beautiful child. I wish I could help you. Because of you, I make sure to hug my daughter and kiss her, tell her I love her every chance I get. Thank you for opening your heart and sharing your story. Please know that you and your family are in my thoughts.

  102. Oh my, oh my. I have been following for some time now, and though i dont know you, i have fallen in love with you and your sweet boy. As tears stream down my face, I am in awe of your strength and openness throughout your journey. Your writing has compelled so many women to be better moms. I savor more moments and take more breaths when things get streasful because of you, and for that i will be forever thankful.
    May you be able to grieve fully and land in a space where you feel warm and smile when images and thoughts of your dear boy stream into your mind.

  103. My heart aches and bleeds for you, but rejoices for his knowing he can now be a playful little boy. While I have never got the privilege of knowing him, holding him, kissing him or touching his beautiful face, his life has forever changed mine. His purpose in life was much larger than even I expected when I stumbled upon this blog. His life has forever changed mine and I’m sure will continue to change the lives of everyone his story is told to. You have a beautiful angel with you. I will FOREVER keep you and Kia in my heart.

  104. I am so so sorry for your loss. You are an amazing Mama and an inspiring woman. Please know we will never forget Kai. He holds a place in our hearts forever.

  105. So deeply saddened to hear of Kai’s passing, praying for comfort and strength for you and your family, Kerri. Sending our love.

  106. Kerri,

    I have never met your family, but an old friend of mine who lives in your neighborhood shared your blog on Facebook.

    Over the course of just a few days, you and your son became so special to me.

    I cannot put into words how very sorry I am for your loss. My heart breaks for you, your family and your absolutely beautiful boy, Kai.

    I am a mother, too, and I see my son when I look at the photos of Kai. I can’t even begin to imagine what the past couple of years have been like for you.

    I’m writing to let you know that you and Kai have touched my life in a profound way. I won’t forget your story. I will hold my son a little tighter because you have reminded me of how very blessed I am. I will find a way to help kids like Kai, in honor of him. I will try to be the best mother I can be, in honor of you.

    Thank you so much for sharing your story with the world. I feel so blessed to have “met” Kai through your beautiful writing, even though I wasn’t lucky enough to meet him in person. Today, SO many people are thinking of you and Kai… crying for you, caring for you, and loving you both. Until the day when you and Kai are together again, I hope you feel his continued presence in your life .

    Kai inspired family, friends and strangers to rally around you, and that village is still here to support you as you face the days ahead.

  107. So deeply saddened to hear of Kai’s passing. Praying for peace and comfort for you and your family, Kerri. Sending our love.

  108. There are no words to adequately tell you how sorry I am. It is so unfair that he had to leave you. He belongs with you and to be healthy. His short time on earth was a gift to you and for us all who. ” knew” him through your posts. Thank you for sharing him with is all. I hope you feel the love and support from so many that would do anything to help. Rest in Peace sweet baby boy. You are so very loved.

  109. Kerri and Mark, I am so so sorry of the passing of your beautiful boy. All three of you opened your home and lives to me a stranger, what an incredibly humbling experience. I was sent to show support and to give comfort during the most challenging time of your lives, yet every time I went I was greeted with such warmth and hospitality. There were always warm hugs and beautiful smiles from Kai that honestly every time I left I kept wondering who was actually doing the “comforting” for whom. Your family showed me such love and acceptance. It was and is infectious the love that surrounds you all. Kai is not just playing with the angels he is one of the largest and strongest souls there, waiting for you. You my dear have the largest soul I ever met watching over you. Keep writing Kerri, keep sharing Kai.

    Jen

  110. My heart is breaking for you and the tears won’t stop. Wishing you peace and love now and always. Your village will always be behind you for support and to keep Kai’s memory alive. Rest in peace, Kai. You are a beautiful, amazing, insipiring little boy.

  111. I’m so sorry for your loss. May Kai rest peacefully now. You are an incredibly strong person and he is so lucky to have had you as his mom, and you were so lucky to have him as your son. Thinking of you and your family.

  112. I am so sorry for your loss. He was so blessed to have you as parents. I pray you continue to find strength in this difficult time.

  113. Kai you are an amazing boy and our hearts are breaking for you and your mom, family and friends. Kerri, we are praying for strength, comfort and peace as you endure the next leg of this journey.
    What a beautiful boy that we get to hold in our hearts forever!

    Bre

  114. Your strength in sharing this most painful story has touched us all. His spirit and memory lives on forever and I fully believe you will be reunited with him again one day. Until then, praying for peace and comfort for you and your family.

  115. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your sweet Kai with us – you are an amazing mama. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  116. Adding my voice to the chorus of mamas, friends, family members and those who never even knew Kai at all…I am so very sorry for your loss and the world’s loss of your amazing little boy. Thank you for sharing you story and Kai’s journey. You and Kai provided a window into a world most of us never want to go through but by sharing your experience we have all learned to be a little more grateful, a little more compassionate and more understanding of the depth of love between a mother and child. He will be with you always – in moons and stars, in snow and rain and in sunrises and sunsets. May you find peace someday in knowing that although he is not physically in your arms – he is and always will be, everywhere.

  117. My heart is crying for you and your handsome angel. I am so sorry for your loss and I pray that you are given the strength and comfort to endure. Kai was so lucky to have you as his parents during his time here and you were so lucky to have been blessed with such a strong, beautiful and precious little boy as your son. Fly high Kai, and wrap yourself around your Mommy and Daddy because they need your love more than anything right now… God Bless you and your family.

  118. Words can not express how saddened I am. I just discovered your blog last week and have been feeling your pain, bravery and strength through your blog. I will continue to pray for you and your family through this difficult time. Kai is now with the angels and free from his pain. Rest in peace little angel.

  119. Kai has unimaginable strength and his beautiful face will never be far from my thoughts. He will live on, his story will be told, and his legacy has just begun. I have never cried so much for someone I have never even met. He has affected us all so profoundly. Thank you Kerri for letting us take this journey with you. His spirit is all around us. I pray for you to remain strong as you move forward.

  120. I am so so sorry for your loss. You and Kai have touched so many. You are in my thoughts and prayers . May Kai rest peacefully.

  121. Dear Kerri and Mark –
    I am heartbroken for you. I will always treasure the time I spent eating and chatting with you and looking at Kai’s smile at our camp sessions. You, Kai and your family will remain in my heart and in my thoughts. I am so lucky to have met Kai. You cannot help but be changed by him.
    Sending you love, hugs and thoughts of peace.
    Mary Pat

  122. I am so very sorry for your loss. Kai is a beautiful little boy and he is now at peace. You are an amazingly strong mom and Kai was as lucky to have you as you were to have him.

    Thank you for sharing your journey with all of us. I hope that the days ahead pass peacefully for you and that you are surrounded by love and light.

  123. Everyone that you know and so many more that you don’t will always remember Kai. I will think of him when I am called to be more patient, more kind, more understanding, more loving. He was an angel here and he is one now- flying high, soaring in peace that is beyond our understanding. I am holding you and Mark close in prayer. My deepest sympathies to you all.

  124. Your loss is incomprehensible. You and Kai have changed lives and he will live on forever through your stories. Thank you for sharing him with the world. Wishing you all peace. xoxoxo

  125. I’m so sorry and heartbroken over Kai’s passing. Find comfort in knowing you were there for Kai’s first breath when entering this world and again for his last breath when leaving this world. Know that he will always hold you as you sleep as you did for him. And know he will never feel pain again but will run, laugh and play for eternity. You will one day be reuinted with your baby boy. RIP Kai!!

  126. Kerri, my heart breaks for you and your family. He is at peace and will watch over you always, but I truly, truly, truly wish you didn’t have to go through such a tremendous loss of your beautiful, sweet, courageous Kai. Thank you for sharing your story, so openly and honestly with the world. Wish I had known Kai, but I feel like I do through all i have read about him….you have both touched so many lives. I wish I had the right words, but they always seem to escape me at times like these. We will continue to hold you and your family in our prayers.

  127. So so sorry…my heart aches for you all. May your beautiful angel rest in peace. Sending you peace, love, and light. Thanks for sharing Kai’s journey with the world…

  128. Oh no, now you have left us, baby boy Kai, I was so terrified and heart broken to read the message of your passing. You, keiki Kai left such an imprint, your short, way too short life influenced so many people. What desperation that you had to suffer and that you are gone now! I hope, you are an angel now, that you can laugh and play and breathe without pain, and that you do not feel the loss but anticipate the welcome you will give to your mommy when the day comes that you will be together again. Watch over her, lovely baby, she needs your strength, help her to heal and to remember your smile, the touch of your skin and the scent of your hair. I love you, baby boy, even though I never met you. One day, when my little girl is old enough to understand, I will tell her about you, and tell her how you helped me to be a better mum. Dearest Kerri, your pain must be unbearable, I cannot imagine the loss of your beloved baby or how to get through this devastatingly sad time. You are inspiring, strong and the best mommy, Kai could ever get. And for me you will always be Kai’s mommy, even if he had to leave you so early. He waits for you, and he watches over you. Thank you for giving me the opportunity to be touched by your keiki Kai’s life, to feel your boundless love for him and to learn so much about unconditional love. If you feel one day that you could write again, you would make many people happy, even if I do not know, how you can find the strength. Your writing is amazing, as is the depths and continuity of your love. I send you strength, warmth and love to get through the coming times. Hugs, Anja.

  129. My heart breaks for you and your family, and tears stream down my face as I write this. I have been following Kai’s story, and you have all been in my thought and prayers. Your strength as a mother is inspiring, and I will never forget your sweet little Kai and the impact you both have had on my life.

  130. Although I just found your blog last night thru a friend who posted about attending a craft fair for Kai & his fight, I read many of your posts. I live in Shrewsbury, just the next town over from you & we have a 20 month old boy so your story hit close to home for me. I can tell your an amazing mother thru all your loving posts & pictures of your beautiful little boy. Your son taught me to never take a moment for granted. I checked on my son when he was sleeping soo many times last night. Not that I dont usually, but your son made me hug Matthew a little tighter & not take the small things for granted. I am glad for this. Kai made a difference on many people. As did you and your husband.

    I will pray for you all & I know life will never be the same but I hope that you can find comfort in knowing Kai is at peace. God Bless.

  131. Rest in peace little Kai. Our family is so sorry for your loss. As a mom, I cannot imagine the pain you are going through right now but for what it is worth, you have impacted many lives with Kai and your story. You have really made me stop and appreciate everything in life. We are thinking of you…

  132. I don’t know you but ever since the first day I read about Kai I have not been able to stop thinking about him. I hope you find comfort in knowing that your beautiful baby boy has touched so many peoples lives. My deepest thoughts of love and prayers for you and your family.

  133. Kerri and Mark,
    We are so sorry to hear Kai lost his long battle. We admire you both for your strength and the love you gave your Kai. Our thoughts and prayers are with you and all your family.
    Patti and Conrad

  134. There are just no words to describe what an impact your little one had on this world. I never had the pleasure of meeting you or Kai. In fact, I only stumbled upon your blog just a few short weeks ago through Emma Routh’s FB page. However, upon reading the news of Kai’s passing today, I had to excuse myself for a few minutes from work and cry in the bathroom for the precious boy we got to know through the words of his devoted and loving mama. I hope that you continue to update your blog as we have come to care about you as much as we have your son. Sending prayers and hugs your way.

  135. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing your family’s journey- although it is heartbreaking, it is also so full of love. Again, so, so, so sorry.

  136. I’m so sorry to hear of your loss. I can’t even imagine what emotions you are feeling right now. You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers.

  137. I know there are no magic words of comfort at this time, but I just wanted to say that Kai could not have had a more supportive family and you will be in our thoughts and prayers.

  138. I’m so sorry Kerri. I’ve had my “Kai’s Fight Club” bracelet on the last couple weeks and you and Kai have been in my thoughts since I met you at Camp Sunshine this last summer. Kai has touched an amazing number of lives during his short time here, and mine is one of them.

  139. I am so deeply sorry for your unimaginable loss. Little Kai has touched countless with his beauty and strength. Your love and devotion showed through your writing everyday. I want to thank you for sharing your painful journey and to let you know how very sad I am for your loss. Kai does live on in the many people he has touched in his short life, and most expecially in his loving family. He is at peace now and Kai will never be forgotten. My thoughts and prayers are with you all, as they have been.

  140. Kai will always be with you as the most beautiful angel. He has left behind an amazing legacy and has affected and changed the lives of so many. I do not possess the words to express to you how very sorry I am. As a mother myself, my heart aches for you. Although I do not of know you or Kai, I have been following your remarkable story of love. I came across the poem below and I hope it offers some comfort. May love and peace surround you. Sending many prayers and hugs. Kai will never be forgotten and will live on in so many beautiful memories.
    Wanda

    When Tomorrow Starts Without Me
    By David M. Romano

    When tomorrow starts without me,
    And I’m not there to see,
    If the sun should rise and find your eyes
    Are filled with tears for me;
    I wish so much you wouldn’t cry
    The way you did today,
    While thinking of the many things,
    We didn’t get to say.
    I know how much you love me,
    As much as I love you,
    And each time you think of me,
    I know you’ll miss me too;
    But when tomorrow starts without me,
    Please try to understand,
    That an angel came and called my name,
    And took me by the hand,
    And said my place was ready,
    In heaven far above
    And that I’d have to leave behind
    All those I dearly love.
    But as I turned to walk away,
    A tear fell from my eye
    For all my life, I’d always thought,
    I didn’t want to die.
    I had so much to live for,
    So much left yet to do,
    It seemed almost impossible,
    That I was leaving you.

    I thought of all the yesterdays,
    The good ones and the bad,
    The thought of all the love we shared,
    And all the fun we had.
    If I could relive yesterday
    Just even for a while,
    I’d say good-bye and kiss you
    And maybe see you smile.
    But then I fully realized
    That this could never be,
    For emptiness and memories,
    Would take the place of me.
    And when I thought of worldly things
    I might miss come tomorrow,
    I thought of you, and when I did
    My heart was filled with sorrow.
    But when I walked through heaven’s gates
    I felt so much at home
    When God looked down and smiled at me,
    From His great golden throne,
    He said, “This is eternity,
    And all I’ve promised you.
    Today your life on earth is past
    But here it starts anew.
    I promise no tomorrow,
    But today will always last,
    And since each day’s the same way,
    There’s no longing for the past.
    You have been so faithful,
    So trusting and so true.
    Though there were times
    You did some things
    You knew you shouldn’t do.
    But you have been forgiven.
    And now you’re free.
    So won’t you come and take my hand
    And share my life with me?”
    So when tomorrow starts without me,
    Don’t think we’re far apart,
    For every time you think of me,
    I’m right here, in your heart.

  141. God bless you and your family. Feel the love of thousands who have read Kai’s story. I know some loving angels in Heaven, I know he’s smiling up there.

  142. I never knew your family, but I am a mom. I wish you and your family everything you need, spiritually and beyond…peace, love and strength, and know that your son’s spirit will go on with everything you choose to do in life moving forward. You are an amazing woman and have shown such great strength to share your family’s journey. I wish you only the best moving forward and am glad that your boy is free from pain…

  143. I am so terribly sorry for your loss and just heartbroken. I cannot imagine what you are going through, but hope you cherish all of the good memories and take some kind of solace in the fact that he no longer has any pain. You surely have a special angel watching over you. All of my strength and prayers are with you and your family

  144. Weeping inside with you, for you.

    Godspeed Kai.

    May this amazing, and great, and pure love always embrace your souls.

    Thank you for sharing Kai, for sharing your love for Kai. Through tears, I believe, the world is better for him.

  145. Our little town of Grafton is so sorry to hear about the passing of Kai. Our prayers are with your family and we all thank you for sharing your Kai with all of us. Kai has taught us all how precious life is, and how each day is one to be cherished. God is hugging that little one right now.

  146. I never met you or Kai but have followed his story and am so sorry for your loss. As a mother to a little boy the same age as Kai my heart breaks for you. What an inspiration of strength and courage you are. You, Kai and your family are in my thoughts.

  147. Kerri and Mark,

    My heart aches for you and all those who loved your beautiful Kai. Thank you for sharing him with us and allowing us the privilege of following your journey. As parents, we dream of the great impact that our children will have on the world, and usually we imagine greatness as they achieve success through athletics, academics or a career. Kai had a meaningful impact and forever changed the lives of others in just two short years. He’s taught us all so much and we will never forget him.

    Know that you Camp Sunshine Family is here for you.

  148. Though I’ve never met you, I’m deeply sorry for your loss. Your son, and your family, are so brave and are a beautiful, vivid reminder to live each day to the fullest and be grateful for the time we have together. Thank you for sharing your struggle; you’re all in my thoughts and I wish you all much peace.

  149. ALL I CAN SAY IS I AM BLESSED TO HAVE BEEN APART OF KAI JOURNEY AND NOW HE IS RUNNING PLAYING WITH THE ANGELS AND MOST OF ALL NO PAIN ! I AM SORRY , BUT U R BETTER FOR BEING ABLE TO LOVE AND HOLD HIM AND BE ABLE TO TELL HIM HOW MUCH U LOVED HIM AND THAT ONE DAY U WILL SEE HIM AND BE TOGETHER AGAIN ❤ I PRAY FOR PEACE AND UNDERSTANDING ! I WOULD LOVE TO KEEP UP WITH AND GIVE U MY SUPPORT , LOVE REGINA BREWINGTON S.C.

  150. My tears are flowing and my heart is breaking for you and your family and little kai. I have been following your story for weeks now and have falling to love little kai even tough I never met him, what a beautiful strong little boy. You have changed my life in a positive way, I hug my baby boy a little tighter because of you kai and your wonderful mum. I hope kerri you find some peace that kai is no longer hurting and in pain and that he is a beautiful angel watching over you. All my love and hugs to you. I will never forget you kai! Xxxxxxxx

  151. Ur son was so blessed to have u as his mother. God sent him to u for a reason. He knew u would love him so immensely and hold him so close. That u would be capable of giving him a lifetime of love in such a short time. That u would be a warrior for him. He also knew that u would know when it was time to let him go return to Him. That ur desire for him to be at peace and whole would have to come before ur desire to keep him here in this world. But I wonder if He knew how much you would share ur precious boy’s life and beautiful heart with so many. Ur son will not be forgotten. His life has a purpose. He will always be with u and u will hold him in ur arms again some day.

  152. i am so sorry for your loss.. i can not even imagine your pain or do i wish it on anyone else 😦 i will never forget your precious baby boy… ❤

  153. I am so sorry for your loss. Breaks my heart to know so many families lose their babies. Know that you are not alone. That has been a help for me in my grieving over my daughter, reading others’ stories and support groups. I pray for the peace that surpasses all understanding for you and your family. He’s in the arms of Jesus and has more baby friends than anyone could imagine.

  154. Oh Kerri
    I am sooo sorry. I know that no matter how much you prepare for the inevitable, when it finally happens we are still in denial and don’t want to accept reality. It takes a while to let the fact register that Kai won’t be there to hold and touch. You will keep replaying the last hours of his life, like a soldier that’s been shell shocked. And it all just SUCKS. It’s not normal for a baby to die and most people can’t handle it. I hope that you can get the support you will need on the long road ahead of you.
    My heart hurts for you and I wish that there was something that I could do. I know that you WILL see Kai again and he’ll be perfect but that doesn’t help how you feel today. Just remember God seems to always answer when we pray for strength, it helped me when my daughter died and I felt that I didn’t want to go on. But that’s what mothers do… we deal with whatever comes our way and we go on, stronger and wiser and with more empathy than before.
    Praying for your strength. Hang in there.

  155. My heart aches for the loss of your sweet baby boy. There are no words that will comfort you really in this time, and your heart will never fully heal. Just know that there are so many people in this world from all over that are thinking of you and praying for healing.

  156. so much momma love to you from your extended village. we share your grief and carry you all in our hearts and prayers. Kai’s beautiful light shines on, and shines strong.

  157. Around 9 pm last night, you and Kai popped into my head, I said a prayer, praying for peace for you both, and for God to wrap His arms around you both, prayed you could feel all of the love we all have for you and Kai.
    I hope in some small way it helped you get through that moment.
    God Bless you Kerri… ❤

  158. I am deeply sorry for your loss. Kai has touched so many lives and he will always be remembered. He is finally at peace and he’ll be watching over you and the family. You & Kai are an inspiration!

  159. Kerri, I know I do not know you or Kai personally but would like to say how deeply touching it has been to read along with your journies. I am so sorry for the loss of your incredible baby boy and cannot find words great enough to honor him the way he deserves to be. My heart hurts for you and I will be sending all my prayers to you and Kai. Rest peacefully, Kai.

  160. Kerri –
    I have never met you, but I have been following your blog quietly for a few weeks now. My 20 month old and I pray every night for Kai, you and Mark, and all of the doctors and nurses that provide care for Kai. I am so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you and your family. I cannot imagine going through what you have been through and are going through now. You are unbelieveably strong. You are an amazing mother and I hope you know that. I have faith that Kai is waiting for you on the other side. You will continue to be in my prayers.

  161. I’m sorry for your loss. I know he’ll be watching from heaven and be there to meet you when it’s your time. My mom had a friend loose a little girl to brain cancer a few years ago. It’s so sad when small children die. Know he is at peace and in no more pain and that the last thing he felt was his mother’s love.

  162. My heart is breaking for your incredible loss, Kerri, and my love is with you, Mark and all of your family and friends. If heaven is what I imagine it to be, then Kai is running and playing for sure, and some of the very best people I’ve ever known are there to watch out for him. I will carry a part of Kai’s story with me in everything I do, and will never forget the love that you showed him- a love so big and so powerful that it has changed the lives of love ones and strangers alike. We are all lifetime members of Kai’s Fight Club. I love you, Kerri. xoxo

  163. My heart aches for you. I am so very sorry. Kai is now a precious angel and no longer in any pain. He can run and play and do anything he wants. Heaven is a better place with Kai. May God wrap his loving arms around you and comfort you, and give you peace.

  164. Im sooo sorry for tour lose. Im ag lose of words to say. Your angel and you will be in my prayers tonight. He’s cancer free now, playing running and laughing. (((Hugs)))

  165. I can’t imagine what you are going threw and I’m oh so sorry. Here is a poem for the lite man (I am unsure of the author)

    Daddy please don’t look so sad
    Mommy please don’t cry
    Cause I am in the arms of Jesus
    and He sings me lullabies.

    Please try not to question God
    Don’t think He is unkind
    Don’t think he sent me to you
    And then he changed his mind

    You see, I am a special Child
    And I am needed up above
    I’m the special gift you gave him
    The product of your love

    I’ll always be there with you
    And watch the sky at night
    Find the brightest star that’s gleaming
    That’s my eyes shining bright

    You’ll se me in the morning frost
    That mists your windowpane
    That’s me, in the summer showers
    I’ll be dancing in the rain

    When you feel a gentle breeze
    From a gentle wind that blows
    That’s me! I’ll be there
    Planting a kiss upon your nose

    When you see a child playing
    And your heart feels a little tug
    That’s me! I’ll be there
    Giving your heart a hug

    So, Daddy please don’t look so sad
    Mommy don’t you cry
    I’m in the arms of Jesus
    And He sings me lullabies

    1. Sweet Beautiful Baby Kia, safe in the arms of Jesus xxx My prayers are with you Kerri I am praying for you and your family to be strong. So many hearts are feeling your pain and your great loss. God Bless you all xxxx

  166. I am so inspired by little Kai, such a beautiful little angel. I am so sorry for your loss and I am also inspired by your strength. May baby Kai rest in the arms of The Lord and shine down upon you with his beautiful spirit. Your family is in my prayers.

  167. From one mom to another, I’m so very sorry for your loss. Your family will once again be in my prayers. Rest easy little one.

  168. Praying for Kai, you, the family and all children in pain. Asking God to wrap His loving arms around, give you wisdom and strength to deal with this.

  169. I don’t know you but I am a member of Sue’s running club here in Western Massachusetts. Please know that you and your family, and Kai, will be in my thoughts and prayers in the days ahead. May his memory be a blessing.

  170. I have never met you but your strength, wisdom and ability to share such a private journey will certainly touch more people than you will ever know. Kai will be forever in the hearts of so many. Wishing you peace and love as you cope with the next few days, months and years. Can’t imagine the emptiness you must be experiencing.

  171. Kerri- Thanks for sharing with us your amazing love for your son Kai- I am forever changed because of you and Kai and will keep you two in my heart and soul forever. I am sorry for your loss and can’t imagine your pain. I am sending as much love and hugs as possible and feel so connected to you and your family. Kai will be ruling heaven and his spirit will remain in each of our children as you have given us that love. To peace for Kai and love to you-
    Jen

  172. I’m so sorry for your loss. I’m even more saddened that his passing wasn’t peaceful. The most innocent in this world should not suffer. Too many children being lost to such horrible diseases. May his loss not being in vain and may you find peace.

  173. My prayers are with you all. Sweet Kai is free of this, but I know you aren’t. I will pray for you and think of you so often. Please keep your eyes on Jesus and remember you will bee with Kai again. He was blessed to have you all.

  174. May you find peace in knowing he’s your angel. I’m so sorry about your loss. Crying reading your post & I wish things were different for you. Praying for you all. (hugs))

  175. Kerri, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts with us. You and Kai have touched so many lives and I know we are all forever changed by it. You are both so strong and inspiring. Sending you peace and comfort from a member of Kai’s village.

  176. I didn’t know he had passed, but today while driving in Worcester visiting friends, I couldn’t keep the tears back as I thought about Kai, and his little life. Kerri: know that his life did matter- it was a gift- to you and your family but also to so many of us who never met him. He is a gift. Thank you for sharing him with us. Praying that the God of All Peace would fill your hearts and comfort you!!

  177. I’m so sorry for your unfathomable loss. Though we have not met, Kai has touched my heart. You are an amazing person, I wish your family never had this pain…

  178. Keri,

    You many never get through all of the heartfelt responses and see this, but if you do…I want you to know how much my hear breaks for you and your family. Ever since we both found out that we were pregnant at the same time I have always thought of Kai and Isla at the same time. I have wanted to, meant to and even started to reach out over the past 2 years since we have been in NC and Kai was diagnosed, but I have always felt…guilty, somehow. I follow your blog religiously and we pray for Kai, you and your family daily (and I mean that literally) and I can’t help but feel a profound loss along with you. My deepest thoughts, condolences and love to you and your family. Please know that you are and will always be such an amazing Mommy. Kai couldn’t have picked a better Mom to take care of him, even for his short 2 years. He was loved, well taken care of and now…he is at rest. He is peaceful and I am thankful that he was able to be surrounded by the people who truly love him most in this world when he decided to leave it. Please know that I love you and Kai, and if there is anything that we can do (now or 40 years down the road…) all you need to do is ask. We would love to have you come and spend some time at the beach house when/if you are ready. The battle is now over, time for you and Kai to rest. All of my love and prayers to you my friend.

    1. Becki, A beautiful comment for Keri but sweetheart you have nothing to feel guilty about not ever. Your love for this family comes across so strongly and one day when Keri feels strong enough to read this she will feel your love for her and Kai xxx

  179. Kerri….I feel so sad for you & your family . I know how you feel as I lost my 19 year old son to leukemia 20 years ago. You are an amazing mom & I will keep you in my prayers.

  180. My thoughts are with you and your family! What a strong little boy to go through such a horrible illness. May he rest in peace. Heard about your story from Heather on FB .

  181. I have just ran across your blog. I have read a great amount of your blogs and your sons story. You write beautifully & shared his life with everyone so wonderfully. My heart aches for you. It is great to know that he is pain free & there is no more suffering. It breaks my heart to know that what seems to be an amazing person has lost their little boy. You & your family will be in my prayers through your grieving process. May God bless you & your family & may you have less pain knowing your little boy is perfectly healthy & pain free in a much better place.

  182. Your precious boy is with the angels now. Kai will never be forgotten…he has left such an impact on all of our lives. You have been such an amazing and strong mom…words cannot express the admiration I have for you. May he rest peacefully now.

  183. So sorry!!!!! I trust that Kai is in perfect peace in Jesus’ arms and is laughing & playing with our twin daughters taken to heaven @ birth. Praying for you & your family!
    -Andrea, Temecula, CA

  184. Kerri, Mark & family,
    There are no words that seem adequate at a sad time like this.Kai was a BEAUTIFUL boy who taught us so much in his short time on earth. No child or family should have to experience such pain & suffering. Kai (& Kerri ) showed such strength ,wisdom & love to all of us who knew him & so many that never did -through this difficult journey. As Lisa’s Aunt (DeeDee) Cindy I got to meet Kai & he will always have a special place in my heart.
    We truly hope the love & support of family & friends will give you comfort in the days ahead & may Kai’s memory & spirit someday bring you peace.
    Kerri you are a truly amazing Mother- Kai NEVER had to wonder if he was loved! Thank you for sharing your very amazing Blog with so many.

    With Love & Sympathy,
    Cindy Anderson & Family

  185. Rest in peace, sweet Kai. I am so sorry for your loss. Having lost a child myself, I truly know what it’s like. I am holding you close in my heart, sending love and light to you and your family during this difficult time. Your strength is inspiring. May you feel Kai’s love and light around you today and always, for he is there. May memories comfort you and sustain you. Peace.
    Kimberly (Meghan’s mom)

  186. I learned about your blog through a friend on Facebook. You have been so generous to share your thoughts and time with us. I feel as though I know you and Kai. I am happy that he is at peace but my heart aches for your loss, as I am all too familiar with it myself. Please know you that your story has reached hundreds of people who will help the spirit of Kai to live on.

  187. Our thoughts and prayers are with you… You and Kai have touched our hearts and we will never forget how strong you both have been… we are heartbroken for you…

  188. A friend of mine posted your blog a few weeks ago, and even though I’ve never met you or your beautiful boy, I could not stop reading through your journey. I am so very sorry for your loss and for everything you’ve had to endure. Your posts are so very perfect and heartfelt, sincere, and full of love. I can honestly say that even though I’ve never met you or Kai or your family, you’ve changed my outlook on life all together. I cherish every single second I have with my son and just wanted to say thank you and let you know just how many people Kai was able to touch in his way too short life. I know he is smiling down on you, and wish you strength in the times ahead without him here.

  189. Kerri –
    I honestly don’t even know what to say.. My heart truly breaks for you and your family because no one deserves to go through this. Kai will never be forgotten and is a beautiful spirit.. Your sweet guardian angel. Thank you so much for sharing this beautiful blog with us all. I am thinking of you all each day and praying for you during this time. Lots of love and prayers! You are an amazing woman & mother to Kai.. may God give you the strength, health and faith. Lots of love to you!

  190. Although I prayed for his peaceful death I am so very sorry to hear that he has died. I have a perfect mental picture of your beautiful boy and wish he could have grown up to be a wonderful man. Although will ever be, he has a wonderful mother. You have been heroic from the beginning and through your compelling blog have allowed all of us to pray for his speedy flight to heaven.
    Although we know we are supposed to give our children roots and wings, his were earned very prematurely.
    Please accept my heartfelt condolences.
    Love,
    Carol Lee

  191. Words cant explain how very sorry I am for Kai passing away . i was living thru your story and was praying every day and every night and thinking about both of you all day every day . Kerry i wish i could just give you a big hug and hold you just to help you and your family get thru this but i know nothing will make you feel better at this time .
    please remember you are not alone there is a lot of people thinking about you every day and you are consatantly on someones mind . Kai will be always remembered he will always be in our hearts….

  192. My heart is breaking for you. I did not have the incredible pleasure of knowing you or your sweet baby boy but I have followed your story and have had you in my thoughts and prayers and have fallen in love with you all. What an incredibly strong momma and baby boy, you two were certainly meant to be together in this life and you will see your sweet little one again someday. For now he is in no more pain in the arms of angels in heaven looking down on you with love. I am happy that you were able to hold Kai and love and comfort him as he passed but I am sorry that time had to come and that you are hurting and have such a great hole in your heart. I cannot imagine the depth of that sadness. My heart and my prayers are with you and your family.

  193. You have inspired so many…especially so many moms out there….and Kai’s spirit was so strong that it will live on in all of us…he was a precious gift to the world, and will always be. May your precious angel boy sleep peacefully.

  194. there are no words to adequately express our deepest sympathies for your great loss….please know we will never forget Kai, or you, and we are blessed that you shared him and your heart with all of us. Your generosity is admirable. Our prayers are with all of you for peace, comfort, and strength.

  195. Praying for you during this difficult time. May God hold you and give you the strength you need. Thank you for sharing your little boy with us:)

  196. I know there are others besides me praying for you from Arkansas. Praying that you will sense all of these prayers as well as God’s presence of peace and love and mercy surrounding you by all of the followers here and everywhere, family and friends, and others who have lifted you guys up in prayer and have taken care of you guys in one way or another.

  197. Kerri, I am so very sorry for your loss. Kai was a very special child. May he feel no pain anymore. His spirit is free now. I know he is laughing, playing, and running. My thoughts and healing wishes go out to you and Mark.

  198. we’ve only met a few times but i feel so deeply for you and your family. thank you for taking the time to share a bit of your struggles, for opening your heart to strangers. like the above commenter says, “Kai’s spirit will live on in all of us”, what an incredible gift you and your family have given us; thank you. may you find hope and peace in the midst the heartache. sending love and prayers…

  199. I’m so sorry for your loss, he truly was a fighter til the end and your words have been such an inspiration to many. I will keep you and Mark and your families in my thoughts and prayers during this hard time.

  200. We’ve never met, but your story touched me in a way that I never thought possible. I am completely heartbroken for you, your family, for Kai & for everything you have gone through. As the mother of a healthy two year old I have found that I have taken so much for granted. I haven’t appreciated every day as I should; I’ve complained about sleep (or lack thereof); I’ve lost my patience when I’m overtired & having a rough day w/her. All of that has changed. Your story has truly made me appreciate the little things like I never did. Your story has made me a better mother & a better person. You are a hero. You are a courageous, loving mother who gave her baby your all, and he is such a blessed baby to have been born to you! I wish there was something I could say or do to ease the terrible pain & suffering you’re going through. I can promise that I will pray for you, your family & sweet, beautiful Kai. I’ve no doubt you’ll be reuinited w/him in heaven some day. Goodbye is never forever. God bless.

  201. my heart breaks for you and your family right now. i know havent know you that long we met at why me last month but i know where you are and my thoughts and prayers are with you guys during this tough time. i know words can never be said enough to help you during this tough time but if you need a shoulder to lean on or a person to talk to i am here!! my god comfort you during this tough time.

  202. My tears are pouring out for you. I pray that you and your family can somehow feel the love surrounding you from strangers near and far. Your precious baby will be remembered forever, and your impact will echo throughout families. You have changed me…..sweet Kai has changed me, and I’ve never met either of you. He’s a beautiful angel, and you are the kind of mother I can only hope to become. Please know that he will never be forgotten….that the lessons in love that you taught all of us will never go to waste. I am carrying you and your family in my heart.

  203. I am so sorry for your loss. I know there are no words that can even begin to comfort in a time like this, but I do want you to know that you have made such an impact on every single person who has followed your story. I will forever remember Kai, and I have never met him. I will never take time with my son for granted, and every time things get tough, i will think about how lucky I am to have him. THANK YOU for sharing your journey with us. I believe Kai is at peace, and you will always have an angel watching over you. I truly hope and pray that you are able to find happiness.

  204. Oh Kerri, I’m so, so, so deeply sorry. Kai was a beautiful soul who will never ever be forgotten. He was so loved, and he touched so very many people’s lives in such a positive way. Thank you for sharing Kai with me. I’m so honored to have gotten to meet him, and you and your family and friends. I hope to get to see you again. As a new mom, you’ve taught me so much about making the most of every day… and every moment. And every little thing. Lessons that will stay with me. Please know how much I’ve learned from you, and from Kai. And how much he’ll be missed. As the (Jewish) saying goes, may Kai’s memory be a blessing.

  205. To Kai’s family,
    I have been following your posts. I am a resident in Grafton and have 2 yr old twins. This past year my family has been through the horrifying journey of watching a loved one pass of cancer. My mom was diagnosed with stage 3 ovarian cancer last January and passed in July. She was just 61. One thing that she said to me in her final days was that she wasn’t “losing” her battle. She didn’t want anyone to refer to her as having lost her battle to cancer. She said, I am going home, I am going on, the cancer just dies. It has no soul, it has no place to dwell in eternity, it just dies, so I win and it loses its battle. Over the last few months I have clung to that. I have thought deeply about it. I love feeling in my heart that there really is no way for the cancer to ever win. It just dies, but Kai goes on. He goes on in you, he goes on in his story, he goes on in the tears and prayers of strangers. In his short life, he has managed to do what takes some people 90 years to do, to fulfill his purpose, to change the world. He has simply graduated early from this life. He is your little “over achiever”. I have never lost a child, I can’t pretend to know what that pain must be like. I only know that my pain ran so deep as I saw my mom leave this place. Her passing was not as easy and peaceful as I had hoped. I struggled with that and still do sometimes. It’s a process I am told. I am in it. I have spent time reading your posts and drawn such parallels relating as not only a child that has lost a parent but as a mother. I sometimes think of how hard it must have been for my mother to witness her children seeing her struggle and how hard it has been for you to watch your child suffer senselessly. I am trying every day to find the blessing in my story. I think you should try and do the same. At first it was hard but over time it began to heal my soul and some days it’s the only thing that gets me through. The truth is that you NEVER really know the depth of your love until it is tested. I will pray for your peace, for restful sleep, for a clear mind in the weeks and months to come as you try and navigate through this storm and begin to find a way to rebuild ( you will find a way) the heart is resilient. Don’t let the cancer rule anymore. Face each new day, no matter how difficult, by finding a blessing.

  206. Kerri – you have never met me and probably never will but I want you to know that you, your family, and your precious beautiful son Kai will forever hold a place in my family’s heart. I learned of Kai through Peech’s Neet Feet and have been following your blog for about three months. The beauty, gentleness, and strength of Kai came shining through in all of your pictures of him, your eloquently and knowing painfully written blog entries, and all of the replies to each of your entries from all over the country praying for Kai. You are truly an inspiration and a portrait of unconditional love of a mother for her child. I am so sorry for the loss of Kai and the heartache that will endure. Our family in Denver is praying for his sweet soul and can just imagine his little two year old feet running around up in heaven….all of our prayers and love to you…

  207. There is not enough darkness in all the world to put out the light of one small candle. May Kai’s memory forever be a light in your eyes and in your heart. Peace to him, and peace to you. I am so sorry for your loss.

  208. Thinking of you all and keeping you close in thought and prayer. You are a strong momma but do not need to be any longer. Kai will always be with you and the many lives his has touched. That doesn’t make it any easier, I know, but I hope it will bring you a small measure of comfort in the days ahead.

  209. Kai was such a lucky little boy to have such an amazing mother, and to feel love during his time on this Earth. I am so sorry for your loss, my son is two weeks younger than Kai and I can only imagine your pain.
    Love and light to your family.

  210. Oh Kai…. Dear, dear boy, rest in peace in the arms of Jesus. You fought the good fight, and God has a special place in heaven for sweet children taken from the arms of their parents too soon.
    I am so, so incredibly sorry for your loss.

  211. Dear Kerri and Mark –
    You don’t know me – and you probably never will. I found Kai’s page through an invite from a friend and have followed his journey for the last few months. I am amazed at the strength, tenacity, courage and spirit that both you and Kai exemplified throughout all of this. Cancer is a bastard. Period. It is especially hateful in one so young. I imagine there is no pain more far-reaching and deeper than losing a child. And my words are not adequate to express the sorrow I feel for your loss. My heart goes out to you and Mark in this tragic time.

  212. I have no words to express my sympathy, but always remember Kai has touched many people, as have you and your family. I will strive towards living my life in the example you have set.

  213. I am so incredibly sorry for the loss of your sweet little baby boy. My heart aches so bad for you right now… I can’t even imagine how much your heart aches. Thank you for being so strong for him and holding him so lovingly until the end. God bless you and your family. Sending you lots of love and prayers and hugs.

  214. It’s amazing that you were able to tell Kai’s story so beautifully and with so much strength, and I feel privileged to have been able to get to know you and your family through your words. My hope is that you and your family will find peace in your time of sorrow. Kai’s legacy will live on forever. Thank you for letting a stranger from Philadelphia get to know your special little boy. Please know that our prayers are with you.

  215. So, so, sorry. I can’t think of the words to say. May God comfort you everyday and give you peace in the midst of your lose.

  216. He will forever be your beautiful angel and he will live on through your stories and the stories of others. You are a living angel yourself with the strength and courage you have had throughout this entire process. His suffering is gone an he will be eternally comfortable. You did your job, as you said, you kept him comforable and you did it DAMN WELL. I cannot begin to imagine the pain of losing a child, but from the bottom of my heart I hope for you to find peace. You and that precious lil man of yours have forever changed my perception of life and my children. May he rest in peace.

  217. What a privilege for the Great Spirit to trust you with his precious one. God chose remarkable parents to care for his little angel, while on earth. You must feel so honored to be given such a rare child…….God bless you

  218. I’m very sorry for your loss of your baby boy. He is in heaven and not sick anymore, but it’s not easy on you or your family. I don’t know what you are going thru personally and the only thing I could do is pray for you. Im so sorry and I hope that you find peace just as your son has. Prayers forever for all of you. ❤

  219. I have followed your blog for quite some time without commenting, and I just wanted to let you know how incredibly sorry I am for your loss. You and your little boy live across the country from me, yet your story has made such a huge impact. I am so sorry you had to endure what no parent should ever go through. I can’t begin to imagine your sorrow. I hope in time it will bring you peace to know that he is no longer pain. I am thinking of you and your family. Your little boy will live forever in your fond memories! Rest in peace, sweet baby Kai.

  220. So so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers go out to you and your family. You’re truly an amazing person. May your baby rest in peace.

  221. I read your blogs on Kai’a journey! I don’t know where to start. Kai was a strong lil baby boy and he fought as long as he could. But now he’s an angel of god. I pray for you and your family. Kai’s presence in life will and has changed many lives. I’m glad I was able to read about his journey and see all the beautiful pictures of him. Thank you. Now Kai is there to protect you, his momma:) God bless.

  222. I pray you find peace in knowing you gave Kai everything he needed in your touch and your love in this world and beyond… What a beautiful baby boy and a beautiful mom… Your strength and the honesty of your love for Kai is beyond words…

  223. I am so sorry for your loss! As a mother of a young son I truly can’t even image the pain that you and your family have experienced with the loss of your little boy. I know that we do not know one another but your experience has truly touched me and as I sit here literally in tears for your loss, I hope you can take comfort in knowing that your little angel is now watching over you and is now at peace. You did a wonderful job of being there and being a pillar of strength and comfort for your son at all the most important moments. Even if he wasn’t awake I am sure that he knew that you were with him in all the happy as well as the difficult times and knew that his Mommy always would be. I hope that all the wonderful memories of your angel will comfort you in these difficult times. Know that there are many people who you will never know or meet who are thinking and praying for you and your family in these difficult times.

  224. There are no words that I can say that you haven’t heard. But you stayed by his side kept him as comfortable as can be and stayed so strong. I know that you now have yet another journey to go on and he will be holding your hand throughout it. He is surrounded by many angels pain free .. You are in my thoughts and prayers.

  225. I have sat here for hours reading your blog.. my heart goes out to you.. may God comfort you, and your family .. he will always be with you..

  226. We are sooo sorry for your loss of such a precious child. There are no words…….I pray for grace for you to continue and parent the legacy of Kai as I know you will eventually. Praying for you and your family as everyone is impacted….

  227. Kerri,

    I am so sorry for your loss. Your beautiful little boy has made such a huge difference in all the lives he touched. Kai will live on in our hearts and minds. He will always be with you.

    Love,
    Sonia

  228. I am sitting here broken hearted for you and your family. You are such a wonderful mom, such a brave and strong woman and I hope that you find peace.

  229. May he always run and play as an angel over your family. I don’t know you and you don’t know me but I take so much from the eloquence and grace with which you shared such a personal experience. I pray for peace and understanding in what must be the most difficult time.

  230. my heart is breaking an tears wont stop falling i send my prayers out to you an ur family you should not have to go through this my your priouse and beautiful angel watch our u an be free.

  231. I am so sorry for the loss of your sweet little boy. I have followed your blog and have cried, prayed and thought of your whole family. May he be at peace and may you find peace knowing you are a wonderful Mom who gave him everything you had.

  232. Beautiful little Kai has left a mark that is truly indelible on so many people…many of whom, like me, who never met him but who have been greatly impacted by his strength, his bravery, and his selfless mother who gave us all glimpse of his short life that was so clearly full of lots and lots and lots of love. I feel blessed to have gotten to know him through Kerri’s words and send my heartfelt condolences to his entire family. May the memories of happier times with Kai, the photos of his beautiful smile, and the knowledge that his short life has made a huge impact on so many sustain you at this most difficult time. There are no words to adequately comfort those who loved him so personally and deeply, but please know that I will continue to send prayers of strength, peace, and comfort to everyone in Kai’s Fight Club.

  233. I am so sorry. I pray God’s comfort cover you & may He fill you with the peace only He gives. Praying for you and your family. ♥

  234. my prayers are with you all, I can only imagine what you have gone through, tears are running down my face as I type, I pray the Lord helps you find peace, know your little guy is pain free now with Jesus.

  235. Both you and Kai are such amazingly heroic and brave individuals. I’m so sorry for your loss, but glad that your baby feels no more pain.

  236. I didn’t know about Kai til this evening. I’ve been reading your posts for an hour or more tonight….I was so moved by your honesty and love for your baby boy. Rest in peace, little one, and may peace come to your whole family now.

  237. wow i have just spent a long time going over the post and it was hard to read. it is heartbreaking that any family have to go through this.. it just reminds me that every little thing must be treasured and appriciated. . every smile , every laugh, every hug, every kiss every i love you. .nothing can be taken for granted. ..thank you for sharing this story with us . . .

  238. I am so, so, so sorry for your loss of such a beautiful little boy. I just came across your blog today, and I’m just in tears with such a hard ache in my heart for you. Just know that he loved you every moment, and always will. You did all you could, and you were the most amazing mother a little one could as for. Your guardian angel watches over you now, pain free, and happy. Rest now and fly high, little one. Your fight is over. ❤ My heart, prayers, and condolences be with you and your family during this time of loss.

  239. You’re an amazing woman, Kerri. This is Eric, Allison’s husband. I’ve been following your story vicariously through her. I think you’re so brave, so resilient. You have such a big heart and such a strong will. I’m thinking of you and hoping for the very best.

  240. Kerri,

    You don’t know me. I’m a friend of a friend, and a parent of a baby boy. I’ve been following Kai’s story for a few weeks now. Every day, my heart went out to you and your family. When I heard of your loss today, I just cried, and cried. I am so sorry and hope you find some path of peace through all of this, the most difficult and terrible thing that can ever happen to a parent. He is at peace now.

  241. I’m really sorry for your loss. Losing a child is very hard, I lost my baby girl, two days after she was born. She took a peace of me, but I keep strong knowing she’s in a better place and your son also, where there’s no pain, only laughter!! They are with the creator, GOD! He was so perfect that GOD needed one more angel. This is not a good bye, its a see ya soon mommy! I’ll keep you in my prayers,,,

  242. I’m really sorry for losing your baby boy. He would be happy in heaven.. to become angel of God. Let him.. he know what do you feel right know..he won’t be happy if so. Just pray to God and let Him give you more than you ever got.

  243. Its with a heavy heart I read this today. With tears flowing down my cheeks. Not even knowing you, and all I wish I culd do is hug you. I couldn’t imagine being where you are with my boys.. Your story has made me see being a mom In a new light. To never take even one moment for granted. I am sooo sorry for your loss. Baby Kai will always be in my thoughts and your family always in my prayers. That is something no mother should ever have to do!! Its just not fair. I am glad Kai is at rest now, but my heart is breaking for you. I will always keep you in my heart ❤

  244. I cannot stop crying long enough to write this. I am so sorry for your loss, My heart is breaking for you. I hope your sweet little baby is at peace and no longer in pain. As a mom of two boys I simply could not image facing what you have experienced. I love that you have the pictures of your little baby’s lips, face, hands, feet etc. they are so sweet, makes me wish you could hold those tiny hands forever. You will be in my thoughts and prayers, may God surround and comfort you.

  245. Like many others, I do not know your beautiful family, but am so thankful that you shared your journey, that we can all carry Kai’s spirit in our hearts. May we all hug our children a little longer and bring joy to the world in his honor.

  246. Im sorry for ur loss. May God bring u peace n strength through this difficult time. U n ur family will b in my thoughts n prayer

  247. I am so very sorry for the loss of your sweet boy. It certainly sounds as if he was one tough little guy and fought until it was his time to go. I am thankful to know that he is now at peace and is no longer suffering or in pain. I cannot even begin to imagine the size of the hole now in your heart for your beautiful Kai. Thinking of you during this very tough time. So sorry. Hugs.

  248. Kerri- my deepest sympathies to you and your family. I recently lost a friend and a priest explained something that really resonated with me: This is really the beginning of Kai’s life. He has gone home to Jesus to begin eternity in heaven- a truly blessed beginning. He has completed God’s purpose here on earth and has moved on to more important things which we will never understand in this life. I know Kai has changed my life, and he was given to you, as his mother to make sure that his life was shared with others. Thank you, Kerri and Kai, for changing my life.

  249. You are a part of him and he is part of you forever, no matter where either of you are. Thinking of you always. Your story has touched many, thank you for sharing even the most painful of times with us.

  250. I am sooo sorry for the loss of your precious boy. I know God will help you and your family through this very difficult time. I pray that all of you will find comfort and peace in knowing that he no longer suffers. I’ll be keeping your family in my thoughts and prayers.

  251. My deepest sympathys to you and your family. May god wrap you and your family in
    His arms and hold you tightly today and every
    Day.

  252. Although we have never met, I have been so very moved by you and your son. I am wishing for you all of the comfort, peace, and strength that the world has to offer.

  253. Kerri – We’ve never met in person, I only know you from our mom’s group on Facebook, but I feel like you’re a friend. From one mom to another, please know that you, Kai and your family are in my thoughts and prayers every single day. I can’t imagine what you’re going through right now but your grace and strength over the last few weeks have not gone unnoticed. You are an amazing mom and I feel better just knowing you…

  254. It’s very strange that I came across your blog today, the day your son died. My condolences.
    I’ve also lost my father to cancer….also in November, November 5th 1987, I hate this month!
    I wish I could tell you that the pain goes away…it never does…but, we all find a way to move on, although we never forget. A big kiss all the way from Portugal…today you made me cry!

  255. I haven’t posted here before but I’ve been reading your blog daily. It is heartbreaking the way you write, not in a bad way, in a good way, you made me feel so blessed to follow & learn your inner most thoughts & feelings. I’ve cried so many times reading how you expressed your feelings & heartache, my heart aches for you today & everyday. Kai is an angel warrior, he had the best mommy beside him everyday, I can’t even imagine your pain 😦 please know Kai, you & your family will remain in my prayers always. Thank you for your beautiful words & allowing us to know Kai thru your eyes.

  256. I am so sorry for your loss, you are an amazing person and an amazing Mom, just like Kai was an amazing little boy. Such strength…i admire you, I probably would’ve gone crazy if I had to face things like the two of you had to face. I hope and wish you that this strength lives within you forever and that it helps you get through the hard times. Kai is free of pain now, he moved on to a better place and will watch over you. You’ve gained an angel. And remember, those we loved never truly leave us, we can always find them in our hearts. Stay strong, you and your family, my priers fly to you all the way from Poland.

  257. I am so sorry for your loss Keri and Mark. Your dedication & strength were amazing and inspiring to all of us! May God fill the hole in your heart with love, peace, sweet memories and comfort during this time and always. Rest in peace Kai. Your were a beautiful, strong little boy. May you now rest in peace, watch over your mom and dad and help heal their sadness.God Bless You and your family sending love from one mother to another. Terry

  258. I am so sorry for your loss. I am at a loss for words. I found myself reading the journey, finding the heaviness in my chest almost unbearable. You have been amazing through this, I can’t commend you enough for your strength for your baby angel. May he rest in peace, may you rest your mind and find peace. Much love to you and your family.

  259. KERRI TODAY IS ANOTHER DAY THAT WE JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT WE ARE WITH YOU THROUGH THIS . YOU ARE NOT ALONE AND WE ARE PRAYING FOR YOU AND WORRY ABOUT YOU TOO . WE THINK ABOUT YOU ALL THE TIME … XOXOXOX

  260. Kerri,
    I found your blog through a friend, and have been following your story for awhile now. It has often brought tears to my eyes. I am so very sorry for your loss, and for what Kai had to endure in his short life. He was a beautiful boy and you can tell how loved he was. Again, I’m so very sorry.

  261. Kerri i fell so sorry for you and your family.I fell your pain.Rest in peace litlle one.You are in a good place without pain now…I pray for you!

  262. My heart aches for you and your warrior, Kai. Your stories have touched my life even though we are complete strangers. Please know that you are in the thoughts and prayers of a countless number of mothers. I am so very sorry for your loss. May your precious angel rest in peace.

  263. Kerri,
    I read your blog from the beginning last night.
    Your ability to share your thoughts is beautiful and amazing.
    Thank you for letting me know Kai. I will never forget him. I had 2 granddaughters born in September of 2010…Ava and Helena. When I see them I will think of Kai and pray to our heavenly Father for your healing. Peace be with you. Love, Cindy

  264. You and your family are in my prayers. Your Lil angle is in a better place and God knows best. I’m praying for comfort and peace to you.

  265. You and your family are in my prayers. Your Lil angle is in a better place and God knows best. I’m praying for comfort and peace to you.

  266. All our prayers are for you, we didn’t stop thinking and sending prayers and will continue to so he rest in peace. May Allah fill up your whole, give you strength and power to surpass these hard moment.
    Deeply sorry for your loss,

  267. I can´t stop crying, I am so heartbroken I cannot find words. Kai is in heaven now. You are such a wonderful mom, God bless you both and your family.

  268. My deepest condolences to the family. I had only learned of Kai in the last few days and am sorry that I was not able to get to know more about him. I am heart broken for you. May you find comfort and peace. God bless. Pam

  269. I don’t know you. I wasn’t aware of the trauma, or weight of which you are going through. But for a moment when searching for blogs to read, I came across your incredible story and realized I stumbled upon it at the most saddened time (even though your brave writing suggests a more peaceful perspective). For a moment, I felt like I knew you– that I knew your pain even though I am a man in my thirties with no children. So, perhaps its strange that we write to people we don’t know, but I’m glad to have stumbled on your blog and I’m glad to know there are people out there with incredible strength regardless of circumstance. Please stay well and my deepest apologies for your loss. Like you said – Rest easy now.
    Laugh, run, play….

  270. “Oh my” is all I could muster while reading your story through tears. Absolutely all of it. I wanted to know everything. I am so so sorry for your loss and thank you for sharing your story and Kai’s life. No child and family should have to suffer like this. I am forever changed for reading this story. Your baby boy is running and playing now. You have given him peace. I pray you your family family finds peace. He will forever be represented on this earth through your written and spoken word. You will meet again…

  271. There are no words to take away even some of your pain. I wish that there were. I am so sad for you, Kai, and your family. You all have been in my thoughts for some time now and will continue to be. The hole in you will never be filled but in time it’ll be easier to live with it even though im sure it does not feel that way now. I hope for you that you can find a way to still be happy and to live your life to the fullest. Kai being taken from you is not right or fair and it is so hard to understand why these things happen. But you are always a part of Kai and Kai is always a part of you. I hope that you find peace and happiness. I will never forget your brave, strong, and beautiful little man Kai.

  272. We are searching for our clovers
    The ones we just can’t seem to find
    We know they’re in the clover patch
    They went there way before their time.

    Most clovers in the clover patch
    Have only three green leaves.
    Each representing faith, hope, love
    Of a life that was complete.

    But we’re looking for our clovers,
    The one’s with leaves of four,
    Another leaf that represent
    A young life that has soared.

    If only we can find them
    And gather in our special clover.
    We’d hold them close against us
    And know their life’s not really over.

    As we search the tears begin to flow
    And drop like rain upon the patch.
    The four leaf clovers grow so tall
    We know there’s nothing that they lack.

    We feel so very lucky
    To have found them with our tears.
    We finally have them back again
    And there’s nothing left to fear.

    So we reach into the clover patch
    For the one we recognize.
    Just as we grasp it’s stem to pick
    That is when we start to realize.

    Their color is so bright and green
    That added leaf makes them so bold.
    They stand out amongst the others
    Because they have a special soul.

    The extra leaf is theirs alone.
    They earned it when they died.
    No one can take it from them.
    They’ll be forever recognized.

    Then we look into the clover patch
    At all their surrounded by.
    Faith and hope and love are there.
    We couldn’t pluck them if we tried.

    By Christine Ross

    I wish words could ease your pain. I know that is not possible. I try to imagine myself in your position. All I can come up with is this, You would give anything in the universe to have your son back right this second. If he was able to return not sick. We both know that wasn’t to be. So, I could only imagine even in your most sorrowful moment. You must of felt a tiny bit of relief knowing he wasn’t isn’t laboring for every breath any more. As the days pass. My wish and prayer for you and your family, is to be able to find a form of peace. Knowing you did everything you could in your power. I know your son knew you did. My thoughts and prayers are with.

  273. At a time when words may offer little comfort, please know that I, like so many, hold your family in my thoughts and heart.

  274. Am very sorry for the incredible loss of your baby boy, but I know his sufferings are over as he has gone to be with the Lord God in heaven. Please do accept my condolences all the way from Nigeria, I pray that God will comfort you and your family on this loss as you all are fondly remembered in my prayers. God bless you!

  275. I am so sorry you have had to join this very sad sad club of moms to children in heaven. I know how deep and wide and far-reaching the pain is right now. I know that nothing can ever fill the hole in your heart but I am praying for a little peace in your lives right now as you endure the worst pain a mother can know.
    Much love,
    Em

  276. Your beautiful baby is now in a better place. The fight is over for better or for worse only time will show. You were the best mother for him and you had so much love and strength – I look up to you. You have changed how I look at my own kids. I hope one day we will meet in person and I can (maybe) give you the hug that I wanted to give you for such a long time! Lots of love and strength

  277. I just read your entire blog…beginning to end. I fell in love with Kai. Cancer is so unfair. I am so sorry for what you and your beautiful baby boy endured. God bless you and your family.

  278. Thoughts of love and peace come your way from so many. We have learned from Kia. He was placed in this world for a reason and he has touched many. Peace and love to your wonderful little boy.

  279. I am so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful baby boy. A friend posted your blog a few days ago asking us to keep him and your family in our thoughts and prayers and that’s when I first took a look at Kai’s journey. I have a young son myself and although I can’t even imagine what you are going through during this sad time, Kai’s story hit close to home as a mother. I hope you and your family find peace and comfort knowing he’s not fighting any more but playing among the clouds. May Kai rest in peace. My deepest condolences…

  280. No words can truly express how sad I am to hear of Kai’s passing. Kai’s life has touched so many people, myself included. I have learned from you to appreciate and enjoy every day, just like you have. I cannot stop thinking of you and your family and the heartache you must be going through. I wish you all the peace and comfort possible.

  281. You and I don’t know each other, but I want you to know that I’m here, thinking of you and your sweet boy. I’m so sorry.

  282. Although we have never met, I feel as I have known you for a very long time. As I read each inspirational journal, good and bad my heart just aches for you all. May Kai rest in peace now, and like you said, “run and play” and be free of pain and suffering. May you and your family have some comfort in knowing your child is no longer suffering.

  283. I know there are no words I can say to comfort you or to express how unfair it is. I’m so sorry…please know you and your family are in my prayers. You touched a life of a stranger forever…Rest in peace Kai xo

  284. Kerrie, Mark and Susan

    It has taken me a long time to respond to your post as I was overtaken by grief with your loss. Kai was and continues to be an inspiration to us all. I have ever been so impacted by another individual as I was by Kai …. he was so strong, charismatic and just plain old cute. I want to thank you for the opportunity to meet him, cuddle him, take him for a walk, have lunch with him, you and your Mom. I wish you and your entire family peace and serenity through this time in your lives.

    Love and prayers Susan/Camp Sunshine

  285. Grieving with you on this day…

    “If before you were born, I could have gone to heaven and saw all the beautiful souls, I still would have chosen you…

    If God had told me, “This soul would one day need extra care and needs,” I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “This soul may make your heart bleed,” I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “This soul would make you question the depth of your faith,” I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me “This soul would make tears flow from your eyes that could fill a river,” I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me “This soul may one day make you witness overbearing suffering,” I still would have chosen you…

    If He had told me, “All that you know to be normal would drastically change,” I still would have chosen you…

    Of course, even though I would have chosen you, I know it was God who chose me for you.”

  286. “Before I formed you in the womb I knew you;
    Before you were born I sanctified you.”
    You beautiful son is in paradise in the arms of the Lord, Jesus Christ. May God grant you, your family, and friends, peace, now and always. You are in my prayers. Please accept these meager words of condolence.

  287. RIP Kai @>~~ you all are in my prayers many blessings to you at this very difficult time may the good Lord bring your peace comfort and hope you are all in my prayers look good blessings

  288. Much love to you…you’re such a good Mama and Kai was very lucky to have you. My heart is breaking for you & your family.

  289. I’m so so very sorry for the loss of your beautiful little angel. My heart breaks for you and your family. I hope that perhaps we all carry a little bit of the pain for you so that you can carry on with a little less. His soul and his spirit live on. He lives on in our memory and there he is no longer in pain.

  290. After I had a serious eye injury I was out of school for a week. I spent most if that week at the respite center with Kai. He was such a joy to be around. Seeing him made everything better. I only saw him smile twice but they made my bad situation not so bad anymore. I miss him so very much but I know he’s suffering any longer. I have a new angel watching over me up there. R.I.P. Little man. I

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